Discouraged

Feeling stressed? Not really knowing what to do or where to go from here? Yes, that's exactly how I have been feeling for the past few days. Every day I am on my computer looking for new job postings, e-mailing principals, and calling principals trying to set up interviews. It seems as though all of my efforts have failed as I receive no reply from principals or if I do hear from them, it is them saying that they have already made their recommendations. I have even been lied to by one. And I'm not quitting, but these setbacks do leave me discouraged and feeling like a failure. I would just love to get one piece of good news. A reply from a principals saying he/she received my resume and would love for me to call to set up an interview. A principal answering the phone when I call willing to schedule an interview. I'm not asking for a job, though of course I want one! I am simply asking for the chance to show that I am a worthy candidate to be a teacher. I guess it is times like these where I do wondering if I am doing what God has called me to do. Haven't we all had a moment or two like this before? I realize that it is just the devil trying to bring me down while he knows things are a bit rough for me, and being an emotionally determined girl probably isn't the most positive aspect of it either.

So as I was going back over a devotional chapter I had already read from "You're Already Amazing," Holley Gerth was talking about our strengths and how during times like this, our strengths can flip on us and turn into the extreme opposite. In things that I am passionate about, I become so involved that every aspect of who I am is wrapped up into my passion. I get emotionally attached, and I think that is one of the greatest ways to show passion is through emotions. But because of my high emotion of the passion to be a teacher is in the valley right now, it is playing the extreme mode. I feel discouraged, let down, sad, upset, angry, confused, annoyed, frustrated. Thank God I'm not the only person who has every had these emotions before! He even spoke words to overcome this. "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you." -Deuteronomy 31:8. What comfort that brings me! God is going ahead of me and is preparing my future job and future students for me! I make feel like I am failing at life right now, but God is setting me up for success. One wise person once said, "Every setback is a setup for a comeback. God wants to bring you out better than you were before." It's hard for me to believe that because I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future and that faith is being able to believe without seeing/knowing. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" It's okay that we struggle. Struggles make us stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When we are down, we have the choice to turn away from God or turn to God. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish I was faithful and turning to God all the time, good and bad. But no matter what, I know that God is with me and is planning my future so wonderfully and in His time. Another strength that has turned into an extreme opposite on me is my determination.

In every goal I have set in my life, I have always been determined to see them through. In high school, I was determined to work hard, do my best, and graduate in the top 5. When looking at colleges, I was determined to go to Samford and applied for every scholarship I could so that I could be there. In college, I was determined to finish every project I was assigned as perfectly as possible (thanks to my OCD). I was determined to graduate from college with at least a 3.5 GPA and honors. I'm not saying obtaining each goal was easy. Each goal required a lot of hard work and dedication to each cause, but each one also required having faith in myself and being able to turn problems over to God that I couldn't handle. Of course there were bumps and setbacks for each one, but determination is what kept me getting back up and going. Now I feel like I have been determined for the wrong thing for me. Have I really listened to God's Will for my life or did I choose it myself? My pastor's wife sent me a verse and it has recharged me to remind me that my determination will pay off in the end. "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You." -Isaiah 26:3.

Right now things aren't really going my way, and they may not seem to be going your way as well, but remember that God is in control of every detail in our lives. He rewards those who are determined to follow His Will and is preparing the path for your life before you.

You are ______.

Quick! Fill in the blank. What do you feel/think you are? Before I began my daily devotional readings in "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Gerth, I would have answered it with imperfect, unimportant, along with other words to that would define me as "not good enough." God thinks different of us though.

• You're amazing.
• You're enough.
• You're beautiful.
• You're wanted
• You're chosen.
• You're called.
• You've got what it takes, not just to survive but to change the world.

When I read those words, I'll admit it. I blushed. I shook my head in disbelief. I thought to myself, "This person doesn't even know me." But God does. And that is exactly how God sees me. When He looks at me, He says "She is loved, accepted, and valued. She is created just the way I wanted her to be." We don't have to work harder to try and be better. God loves us as He made us. He made us uniquely and specifically how He intended us to be.

God took His perfect Son and made Him broken so that we can be whole. I have had my fair share of feeling broken, but reading these words really hit me. When I stumble or am feeling down, I always assume that it is because I have done something wrong and it's God's way of punishing me. Well, that isn't always the case. Many times we experience brokenness because we are human and God allows us to experience certain situations to learn and grow from to provide healing and encouragement to others.

Now, let's start over. Fill in the blank. What do you feel/think you are? For me, I am a child God and daughter of the King who has been fearfully and wonderfully made.

Much of this post was referenced and used from "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Gerth.

Be Still

Life is so chaotic. Busy is what we label it. As a woman, I know that we think that we have to do this and we have to do that to stay on top of it as it appears every other woman is. We get so caught up doing and going that we don't hear God whisper to us, "Be still." Trust me, I am not pointing fingers at anyone. Actually, I am pointing all fingers to me. As you can tell, I haven't blogged in well over 5 months. I recently graduated Cum Laude from Samford University receiving my B.S. in Early Childhood/Elementary/Special Education, so being busy and on the go during the semester of student teaching really consumed my life. I'm not proud of it. I wish I had devoted more time in building my relationship with God. Lately, I have been so frustrated and stressed out about not finding a teaching when lots of my friends are (and I am super excited for them!!). It has been 24 days since I have graduated, and I have been e-mailing and getting in touch with school systems and principals since then but haven't gotten a call about a job yet. I am used to always being busy and having something to do that it floors me being at home twiddling my thumbs as I wait by my phone or constantly check my e-mail for anything. Yet, God whispers to me, "Be still." I think it is time I listen. After all, He knows what is best for me anyways. Let me tell you how much of a dork I am. I have been single for over 6 years. When I was getting ready to move to college, I prayed God would send me a good guy to fall in love with at college. God really has a sense of humor. The ratio of girls to guys at Samford is 3 to 1. Yes, for everyone 1 guy, there are 3 girls. But, God did answer my prayer. In March (or maybe it was February -I am really bad at remembering some things-), I received a message on a dating website I signed up on (and frankly forgot that I had because I probably signed up one day when I was bored) and didn't respond for a few weeks later. We ended up texting a few times, but I assumed it had fizzled out, lost interest. One day I was bored and randomly selected people to text. He was one of them. By the beginning of May, we were exclusively dating but not officially a couple. The humor in this story is God did send me a Christian, loving man the week after I turned in my final homework assignment ever and 8 days before I graduated from college. God knew I needed to keep my focus on my school work, and after I finished it all He answered my prayers. Now I know this seems like I'm veering off course and chasing a rabbit (and maybe I am and just wanted to brag a little bit on this fantastic guy God has sent my way), but it is an example of trusting God in everything and He will answer prayers when He knows we are ready, not when we think we are ready. Maybe you are like me. You are praying for something to happen and are becoming frustrated that it isn't instantly answered. Be Still. Maybe you are like how I felt in college during my student teaching: constantly on the go and being busy but still feel like something is missing but you don't have time to stop. Be Still. Trust me on this one. It's okay to slow down, even stop. God desires you and wants time with you. It has taken me a long time to realize this, but I have been reading "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Gerth and it has opened my eyes to see that I don't have to do more, be more, or think things need to happen instantly to meet God's approval. He created us in His image (Genesis 1:27). Although I have already read through three chapters of the book, I am going to back track so we can go on this journey together to see how amazing God already thinks we are. Be still.

Seek God

Happy (belated) New Year! It is that time of the year to make resolutions to improve things in our lives. I never make any resolutions because I know my personality and how it can be hard to maintain them throughout the year because I give up easily when I don't see a goal within sight or don't have the motivation to carve out time to do things. So, I actually sat down and wrote my resolutions for this year: reading my Bible daily to grow closer to God through His Word, journal daily, blog regularly, and becoming healthier through eating better and exercising. Yes, day 3 and I have already failed at some of them and have pushed them on the back-burner. I had heard on the news that 45% of people make resolutions, but only 25% of people actually follow through with them for the year. Reason: people set goals that are not achievable and too many goals are made. Pretty much me in a nutshell, huh? So last night, I reflected on my resolutions and have decided that my main focus is on growing closer to God through His Word as I read the Bible daily in my devotional book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I was thinking, "This would be good for me because surely I can squeeze in a short devotional everyday, even if I don't have time to go in depth with it and study in God's Word." I figured if I focused on God's Word, then any other mini-resolutions I have would fall into place and work themselves out. But, God showed He has a better plan for my resolution than I had set for myself. Last night, I sat down around 11:40 at night to quickly read through my devotional. God has a great sense of humor. I had just finished writing my plans and list of things I needed to do for the following day. The second sentence of the devotional said, "As you spend time with Me, your thoughts tend to jump ahead to today's plans and problems. Bring your mind back to Me for refreshment and renewal." Ironic? I think not. God knew my heart and mind was not 100% devoted to what I was reading, so He started it out telling me to pay attention. Funny thing is, He didn't stop there. He said, "This sacrifice of time pleases Me and strengthens you. Do not skimp on our time together. Resist the clamor of tasks waiting to be done." Talk about putting a foot in my mouth! I feel like Martha in the Bible where Jesus was visiting Martha and Mary. Mary was sitting at Jesus's feet listening to His every word. Martha was busy in the kitchen preparing a meal and cleaning the house and was busy doing things than putting Jesus first. Don't we all have a little bit of Martha in us? I will be the first one to say that I procrastinate when it comes to reading my Bible. "I have homework to do." "I need to clean my room." "My friends want to go see a movie now." Etc. It's no wonder I always feel tired and stressed out.  Psalm 105:4 says, "Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always." If only we lived our lives like this verse every single day. Why take a nap when we are tired? Why go for a jog when we need energy? Why rest when our nerves are shot? Seek God. He gives strength great than anything we can find on earth and in our human flesh. Nothing man-made can do what God can. I pray that I stick to my resolution as Mary stuck to Jesus. I don't want to just squeeze in a few minutes with Him because it is my resolution. I want to seek God everyday because He longs to spend time with me.

Check the Lights on Your Christmas Tree

This past week has been a difficult week for me with the shooting at the elementary school in Connecticut. It reminded me that as a professional, it is my responsibility to protect my students at all costs and remain calm in any circumstance so that my students remain calm. There were so many sweet children who lost their lives because an evil person committed a selfish act in takin out his anger in children and adults he didn't know. Teachers, administrators, and other faculty members gave up their lives protecting as many children as they could. Usually future teachers are just attempted to be prepared for working with difficult parents, we are now having to think about other safety measures in protecting our students before ourselves. With this in mind, we need to check all the lights on our tree. I don't mean this literally. I mean that we as Christian teachers need to make sure our attitude and actions reflect our faith. We are the Christmas tree and our attitude and actions are the lights. When we live a Christ-like life and be a positive Christian role model for our students, our lights shine bright and glow. Our students are the ornaments on the tree. Some are elaborate golden angels while some are a simple red ball and others are paper handmade ornaments. Each ornament is different, but each one has its place on the tree. It is my job as the tree to make sure all of my lights are working and shining brightly so that all my ornaments sparkle and shine in their own way. It is my job as the teacher that I have an attitude that reflects the love of Christ in me and that my actions show it as well. If I have a dull light, an ornament won't sparkle like it should. I pray that my lights never grow dim and that my future students see the love of Christ through me. I pray that I will never have to worry about my students and know where they will be one day. I pray for the families affected by the shooting and that God brings them peace and comfort during this Christmas season. I can't even begin to imagine how they feel or what they are going through, but I know a God who offers endless love and is the Prince of Peace. I pray you and your family have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I pray that you check your lights this season so that the ornaments in your life are able to be seen brightly through you.

So Much To Be Thankful For!

Gobble Gobble!! Today is Thanksgiving!! And if you looked at my Facebook from this month, you would probably think that I am not thankful for anything because I haven't hopped on board with the writing what you are thankful for each day during the month. Honestly, I simply haven't had time to do that every day with everything I have going on. So, that's why I got up early on this Thanksgiving morning. And no, it wasn't just to get a jump start on early Black Friday sales (even though I was extremely tempted to go to Fred's 7 am sale) nor is it to be like a kid and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade (though I am patiently waiting for it to being at 9!!). So here goes my top list of 22 (the number of days from November 1st till Thanksgiving) things I am thankful for.

1. I am so very thankful for Jesus dying on the cross for my sins and loving me when I am weak and when I am strong. Without Him, nothing would matter in this world.

2. I am thankful for my momma. She is always listens to me complain when I call her and is my best friend. I am thankful that the Lord allowed me to be her daughter. I hope to be half that woman she is one day.

3. I am thankful for my daddy. He always know how to fix any problem I have. He has instilled Christian values and morals in me. I hope that I one day find a man like him to marry.

4. I am thankful for my grandma. Before I was born, both of my grandpas had passed away and my other grandma passed away when I was 8 or 9, so for most of my life I have only had one grandparent. She went through a lot of rough times growing up and having a family, so I truly appreciate everything she has done in her life. She is an angel and Godly woman that I hope to be like when I get married, become a mother, and become a grandmother.

5. I am thankful for my siblings. Even though we fight like crazy and seem to never get along, I really don't know what I would do without them! I honestly don't know how a person could go through life without having a sibling to tease or pick on, but love at the end of the day.

6. I am thankful for my extended family. My extended family is like no other. I have aunts and uncles who are pretty much like another set of parents to me and have helped in raising me and loved me as if I were their own.

7. I am thankful for our military and their families. I am humbled by the sacrifices they make every day to fight for our freedoms as their families spend the holidays apart from their loved ones. John 15:13 says, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." Thank you to those who have given up their lives so that we may live in freedom in America.

8. I am thankful for my friends. They are always there for me through the thick and thin of things. I know that sometimes they get tired of hearing me complain, but they are always there for me. I hope that I am the great friend to them that they are to me.

9. I am thankful my church family. They are a constant encouragement to me, and I am blessed to be apart of a family of Christ in my church.

10. I am thankful for my freedom. It is so wonderful to live in a country where I don't have to sneak away just to be able to read my Bible or go to church. I have the freedom to read my Bible and attend church whenever I want to. Anyone can chose to worship however they wish to and follow any religion they choose. Though I am a strong Christian, I am thankful to live in a country where I am not forced to believe something doesn't align with God's Word.

11. I am thankful for Samford. I have made so many friends and met so many wonderful people that I never would have met without being here at Samford. It is so wonderful to be apart of a community that loves the Lord and serves Him by serving others.

12. I am thankful for my health. I have never had any serious illnesses. I have had minor accidents along the way, but the Lord has blessed me with good health.

13. I am thankful for my two jobs. I know they aren't "real" jobs, but they do give me a little extra money to help me in college. God always provides, even in the smallest of ways.

14. I am thankful for all of the people who have encouraged and pushed me along the way throughout high school and college to get me to where I am right now, getting closer to graduating in May 2013! I have had some amazing mentors and teachers who helped to guide me and prayed for me, and words cannot express how thankful I am that I am exactly where God has directed me through the help of them.

15. I am thankful for my dogs Charlie and Buster. Charlie is a spoiled little boy and loves just curling up in my lap to lick and kiss me. He is a momma's boy and is a sweet as pie. He is unique and special as I love staring into his gorgeous blue and brown eyes. Buster, or Elvis as I like to call him because he curls his lip, is the goofiest dogs who can make you laugh on your saddest days. He is literally always smiling and is a happy carefree dog. They will be your best friend as long as you feed them. :)

16. I am thankful for my adopted dog Danger. He is one of the kindest dogs I have ever had, and I completely adore him and his beautiful white fur. I fall in love with him every time he sits his head in my lap and looks at me with his big brown eyes. He would never hurt a fly and is as smart as a whip, but if anyone tried to hurt me then he would do anything to protect me.

17. I am thankful for God's blessings. He has given me more than I could ever need. I have never gone one day in my life where I went without something I needed. He is so good to me!

18. I am thankful for God's little miracles in my life. I know it seems that the miracles performed when Jesus walked on earth don't seem to happen anymore, but I see the little miracles that make a big difference in my life.

19. I am thankful for my major in elementary education. It has opened so many doors for me to be able to do what I love: working with children. I want to make a difference in children's lives to mold them into wonderful young men and women one day. I know many children do not receive the best education possible. I want to break that goal to help children see that they don't have to live in the cycle of poverty if they study hard in school and go to college or a vocational training school.

20. I am thankful for living in the South. I know we are perceived as slow and sometimes dumb, but we are the complete opposite. We know how to enjoy life and what God has given us. I love living in the country and seeing the beauty of God's hand through the changing colors of the leaves and the landscape He has made. Through all the hustle and bustle, it's nice to slow down and take in fresh air.

21. I am thankful for my church when I am at college. It has taken me four years to finally find a church I enjoy going to, but I am blessed that God has guided me to Church of the Highlands. I know it isn't Southern Baptist, but I feel so at home there as everyone is friendly with a smile on their faces. People come to truly worship God and to pour their hearts out to Him. I love worshiping God with fellow believers through praise songs and through the great sermons.

22. Lastly, I am thankful for everyone that is reading this post. I may or may not know you, but I pray that God blesses you on this Thanksgiving and that hopefully this post has reminded you of many things you have forgotten about but are thankful for. I pray you have a Happy Thanksgiving and a wonderful holiday season as Christmas is approaching quickly!

No Longer Waiting

Lately, I have been struggling with my personal walk with Christ as I see friends being in love and getting engaged. Don't get me wrong. I am excited and happy for their happiness and for them finding love. It's just sometimes when you reach the end of your college career your Aunt Suzy starts asking you at family events "When are you getting hitched?" Sometimes it causes me to wonder if God has someone for me or if He even cares.

Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Why in the world should I be sitting around waiting for love when I have an everlasting, unending, unfailing, bountiful love with Christ? His love could never match that of any man's! So now, I am no longer waiting on a man. Why should I? I want to fall so in love with Jesus that I never feel like I need a man to complete me. Yes, I would like to find a Godly man, but I want to be so in love with Christ that a man must fall in love with Him too so we can find each other through Christ. And if there is not guy for me, then I am totally okay with that because Christ's love is greater than all other love, and it will always be enough for me!

God loves me, and I am precious in His sight. Isaiah 43:4 says, "That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the world to get you back, trade the creation just for you." It is so powerful to know that the One who created me loves me more than anything and would do everything in His power to show how much He loves and desires me. My prayer is that I, and all women, follow God's Word to guide me as I fall in love with Him.