Discouraged

Feeling stressed? Not really knowing what to do or where to go from here? Yes, that's exactly how I have been feeling for the past few days. Every day I am on my computer looking for new job postings, e-mailing principals, and calling principals trying to set up interviews. It seems as though all of my efforts have failed as I receive no reply from principals or if I do hear from them, it is them saying that they have already made their recommendations. I have even been lied to by one. And I'm not quitting, but these setbacks do leave me discouraged and feeling like a failure. I would just love to get one piece of good news. A reply from a principals saying he/she received my resume and would love for me to call to set up an interview. A principal answering the phone when I call willing to schedule an interview. I'm not asking for a job, though of course I want one! I am simply asking for the chance to show that I am a worthy candidate to be a teacher. I guess it is times like these where I do wondering if I am doing what God has called me to do. Haven't we all had a moment or two like this before? I realize that it is just the devil trying to bring me down while he knows things are a bit rough for me, and being an emotionally determined girl probably isn't the most positive aspect of it either.

So as I was going back over a devotional chapter I had already read from "You're Already Amazing," Holley Gerth was talking about our strengths and how during times like this, our strengths can flip on us and turn into the extreme opposite. In things that I am passionate about, I become so involved that every aspect of who I am is wrapped up into my passion. I get emotionally attached, and I think that is one of the greatest ways to show passion is through emotions. But because of my high emotion of the passion to be a teacher is in the valley right now, it is playing the extreme mode. I feel discouraged, let down, sad, upset, angry, confused, annoyed, frustrated. Thank God I'm not the only person who has every had these emotions before! He even spoke words to overcome this. "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you." -Deuteronomy 31:8. What comfort that brings me! God is going ahead of me and is preparing my future job and future students for me! I make feel like I am failing at life right now, but God is setting me up for success. One wise person once said, "Every setback is a setup for a comeback. God wants to bring you out better than you were before." It's hard for me to believe that because I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future and that faith is being able to believe without seeing/knowing. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" It's okay that we struggle. Struggles make us stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When we are down, we have the choice to turn away from God or turn to God. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish I was faithful and turning to God all the time, good and bad. But no matter what, I know that God is with me and is planning my future so wonderfully and in His time. Another strength that has turned into an extreme opposite on me is my determination.

In every goal I have set in my life, I have always been determined to see them through. In high school, I was determined to work hard, do my best, and graduate in the top 5. When looking at colleges, I was determined to go to Samford and applied for every scholarship I could so that I could be there. In college, I was determined to finish every project I was assigned as perfectly as possible (thanks to my OCD). I was determined to graduate from college with at least a 3.5 GPA and honors. I'm not saying obtaining each goal was easy. Each goal required a lot of hard work and dedication to each cause, but each one also required having faith in myself and being able to turn problems over to God that I couldn't handle. Of course there were bumps and setbacks for each one, but determination is what kept me getting back up and going. Now I feel like I have been determined for the wrong thing for me. Have I really listened to God's Will for my life or did I choose it myself? My pastor's wife sent me a verse and it has recharged me to remind me that my determination will pay off in the end. "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You." -Isaiah 26:3.

Right now things aren't really going my way, and they may not seem to be going your way as well, but remember that God is in control of every detail in our lives. He rewards those who are determined to follow His Will and is preparing the path for your life before you.