The Man a Woman Needs

Sometimes I wonder, how do I know when I find the one? How do I know that he is the one? Lately, the Lord has placed these thoughts heavy on my heart as I am learning to forgive and let the Lord heal my heart. I have a loving Father who forgives me for things that I find hard to forgive myself for. So, back to my questions. Let's take a peek at what God says for the man he has created for me, the man he created for you ladies, and the man you should be to the woman you are dating.

1. The relationship should be based not only on love, but Christ's love.
Ephesians 5:2 says, "And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." First off, if you are in a relationship where love is not evident, the relationship is going no where and is no good for you, man or woman. Even when you are just dating and getting to know each other, if you can't love them as a friend and vice versus then leave. I will gladly admit I haven't been in many relationships (only 2 serious ones). I guess that means I could be picky with who I choose, but I see it as a blessing. My mom always told me, "Don't date a guy you couldn't see yourself marrying." Isn't that the purpose of dating after all? I know dating is fun, but seriously. Don't forgo your morals and beliefs for any guy. The man God has for you will meet God's standards. And the basis for the relationship should be founded and deeply rooted in Christ. If he is not a Christian, then you cannot have a love that reflect's Christ's love because he hasn't experienced it yet. I'm not saying to shut him out of your life because God places us in people's lives to be the seed-planters, but don't try to pursue a relationship where both of you do not pursue Christ. Ephesians 5:7 clearly tells us, "Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as child of light." Think of it as a triangle. You and him are at the bottom 2 corners. The more your each pursue Christ, the closer you grow together. The goal is to get so lost in God that you don't put the focus on finding a relationship and allowing God to do what He has already planned for you.

2. He will protect your purity, not pursue it.
I believe this is the easiest to say we want, but so hard to put into action because women want to feel loved and wanted and desired. Many have been taken advantage of, so when a man becomes interested in us we are okay to bend a few morals and values as long as we experience the sense of being wanted. I know this firsthand. I haven't been in many serious relationships, so sometimes I would bend on goals and beliefs I had made as standards for relationships all because I wanted to feel wanted. I have read through so many blogs and listened to a local radio station in the morning driving to work where the hosts have talked about how society has shifted and placed the responsibility on girls to protect their purity. Women are put down and are pressured into giving in when they try so hard to stay pure. But not so fast, God's plan is much different. God created woman to be respected and protected by man. In Ephesians 5, He has charged men to present woman as pure and spotless as a bride and specifically holds them responsible for women being sexually whole when they marry. So men, look for the woman who dresses modestly. This means she will keep her body to you when you get married. Look for the woman who is staying pure for marriage or has asked for forgiveness of impure sins and is pursuing new-born purity until marriage. This means you can trust that she will not give in to other men. So ladies, dress modestly. The more revealing you are with your attire, the more a man is going to want to pursue your purity. Save yourself for marriage. If you have given away your purity, God is a gracious and loving Father who forgives. Make a vow to save yourself now until marriage. Men, take this charge. Protect her! Think of guys who have already taken advantage of her, hurt her, and let her go. Be different. Take that stand to protect her purity. And women, this isn't just a job for the men. Do you part! Lay your standards out at the beginning of a relationship. If he doesn't agree, tell him to hit the road. Present yourself in a matter that let's men know that they need to protect the precious daughter of Christ that you are intended to be. You are delicate. Let them know that. Be a Proverbs 31 woman!

3. He will be "old-school" and traditional.
This is my least biblical point, but a man of God who loves and cherishes a woman will have these characteristics automatically. When he tells you he will call, he will keep his promise. He won't constantly "forget" or put it off until later. A true gentleman will be true to his word. He will come to your door when he picks you up for a date. No matter if you still live at home, with roommates, or alone he should be man enough to take the few steps to knock on your door when picking you up. He will try to impress you. This could be dressing nicely for dates or bringing you flowers. I'm not saying every date needs to be dressy, but if you are going out then he should want to look his best for you. He will be a true gentleman. If he lets you lay one finger on a door, he is failing as a man. He will open doors, pull out chairs, and put you first. This also counts as respecting your parents as well. As technology has become so popular and is taking over every aspect of our lives, he will pull any and all devices away when he is with you, especially at the dinner table. He will want to have a personal conversation and show true interest in you, not with his social life via phone, etc. He will realize that men and women are very different and won't treat you like "just another guy." He will treat you like the delicate flower you are.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8,13

A big thanks to blogs I have been reading in which I learned so much from and used what I learned in this blog post: James Michael Sama, The Christian Pundit, Thought Catalog, and Pure Freedom.

Discovering Your Strengths

As I am continuing with my job search, I still sometimes have the small drop of wondering if I chose the right major and am really following God's plan for my life or did I just choose it because it was what I wanted to be ever since I was in 2nd grade and never really took the time to experience other interests? I know I can't be the only one who feels this way, and it's okay for anyone to have doubts because we don't know all of the answers to our lives. That is why we turn to God. He holds our lives in His hands and knows everything about us, even our future! As I am reading through my devotional book, "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Gerth, I am opening my eyes to see my own strengths and skills. Strengths are part of who we are, a personal characteristic that is used on behalf of God in service to others. For anyone who knows me, I hate bragging about myself and never set myself on a pedestal, so this devotional was very difficult as it pushed me to think of how great I am. Maybe that's what we all need. During times of disappointments and discouragement, we all just need a little push to see how great we truly are in not only God's eyes, but in our own. Next time you are feeling down, think about who you are and how you serve others. List 3-5 of those strengths. You have no choice but to think positively of yourself.

I listed that 4 of my strengths were caring, funny, reliable, and resourceful. Going to college really opened my eyes to see how each person is different and unique in how God made them, so I learned to be more sensitive to others. I really grew in my faith as I learned to be considerate to others who followed a different faith than I do. I learned that sometimes the best way to be a witness for Christ is by simply showing the love of Christ instead of stuffing the Bible down their throat. I learned to be caring to others no matter how different or alike we may be.

As I started living on my own at college, I had to develop a strong sense of who I was. I have always been a shy person, very introverted. Always have and always will be. But being introverted isn't a bad thing and definitely doesn't mean that you can't be a leader or don't possess any leadership skills. I see being introverted as providing you the best skills needed to be a great leader. You listen to others and consider what would be best for the team instead of just yourself. All throughout college, I was a leader in many different aspects of the activities I were active in. But being on my own forced me to get out of my shell because I was at a school where I knew no one, sharing a dorm each year for four years with a new person I didn't know, and living my first year on a hall where we had a community bathroom. And I am sure some of you are making a disgusting face or tightening up thinking about a community bathroom because at most colleges, they are gross. But, thank the good Lord, Samford hired amazing workers who kept our bathroom spotless. Looking back on it now, I am so thankful for the community bathroom. It was my way of getting to know the girls on my hall that I probably wouldn't have had the time or courage to just walk up to their doors and introduce myself. It was through the community we developed on our hall that I made great friends, one of whom I consider a very dear and close friend of mine who lived on the hall around the corner from me. When breaking out of my shell, I tried to find a common interest between me and whomever I was meeting. My common ground was usually through humor. I mean who doesn't enjoy a good laugh? Some say it is a wit, but I tend to say/do whatever I can to get a laugh out of someone. It makes me happy knowing someone else is smiling.

When I think about being reliable, I think about all of the group/partner projects I have ever been a part of. Out of the many (probably hundreds) projects, I can only think of 2 where I wasn't happy with the outcome. I was probably tired, fed-up, or just wanted to get it down and didn't give it my all. It's not an excuse. When I think back on it, I should have been more motivated to do my very best in every situation no matter how interested I was or wasn't. Group/partner project truly all boil down to trust and reliability. If there isn't a leader, someone has to step up and take that role. Everyone needs to trust that the leader can do the job and the leader has to trust that everyone else will listen and give their best effort. This is relying on one another to achieve a goal together. Aside from those two projects, I believe that I was a reliable person no matter what role I took on in the project. When being the leader I tried to keep things organized and equalize the work for each person, but also made sure that it was all completed for the good of the group. As a member of a group, I would do my best work for what I was given to do and ask if there was anything else to do. In group projects, I think it's important that you change roles. For 1 of the 2 disappointing projects, I took on the role of being the leader too many times which really burned me out. For the other project, it was 2 people who were used to being leaders, so I had to transition into just being a member for the first time and let myself get ran over by the leader. Both were learning and growing experiences that have helped me become a reliable person as a leader, member, or any other role.

I smile with I think of being resourceful. It's almost like performing a magic trick without doing anything. I can think of so many projects I worked on where something messed up, and I had to think fast on what to do. I recall one where I was making colorful Wordles for my students at my last student teaching placement and I ran out of colored paper. I decided that my homeroom would get colored words on white paper instead of the black words on colored paper. I know it seems really small and insignificant, but at 2 in the morning I considered it brilliant thinking! There have been many times when I have been teaching a lesson and had to think quick on my feet because a student would ask something that I wasn't prepared for or something I had planned didn't quite work out how it was supposed to or I forgot to bring something. And honestly, that is how the real world is no matter what your profession is. Things happen and you have to think and act quickly.

I know this post probably seems as though I am just sitting here tooting my own horn, but I am learning how important it is that we see the good qualities we possess. God already sees them. He placed them within us to start with. Our family and friends can tells us about them, but we may not necessarily believe it until we actually step back and observe ourselves. I challenge you to do something like this. Grab a few pieces of paper. Blog about it. Type it on your computer to save it. Use a thousand sticky-notes to put on your desk. Whatever you need to do. If I can write 4 paragraphs about myself when I absolutely hate talking about me, then you can do it too! I dare ya! You cannot and do not want to turn this dare down. God knows your wonderful qualities, so take 30 minutes out of your day to talk to Him and discover them for yourself. Trust me, you will feel good and glad that you did this.

Discouraged

Feeling stressed? Not really knowing what to do or where to go from here? Yes, that's exactly how I have been feeling for the past few days. Every day I am on my computer looking for new job postings, e-mailing principals, and calling principals trying to set up interviews. It seems as though all of my efforts have failed as I receive no reply from principals or if I do hear from them, it is them saying that they have already made their recommendations. I have even been lied to by one. And I'm not quitting, but these setbacks do leave me discouraged and feeling like a failure. I would just love to get one piece of good news. A reply from a principals saying he/she received my resume and would love for me to call to set up an interview. A principal answering the phone when I call willing to schedule an interview. I'm not asking for a job, though of course I want one! I am simply asking for the chance to show that I am a worthy candidate to be a teacher. I guess it is times like these where I do wondering if I am doing what God has called me to do. Haven't we all had a moment or two like this before? I realize that it is just the devil trying to bring me down while he knows things are a bit rough for me, and being an emotionally determined girl probably isn't the most positive aspect of it either.

So as I was going back over a devotional chapter I had already read from "You're Already Amazing," Holley Gerth was talking about our strengths and how during times like this, our strengths can flip on us and turn into the extreme opposite. In things that I am passionate about, I become so involved that every aspect of who I am is wrapped up into my passion. I get emotionally attached, and I think that is one of the greatest ways to show passion is through emotions. But because of my high emotion of the passion to be a teacher is in the valley right now, it is playing the extreme mode. I feel discouraged, let down, sad, upset, angry, confused, annoyed, frustrated. Thank God I'm not the only person who has every had these emotions before! He even spoke words to overcome this. "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you." -Deuteronomy 31:8. What comfort that brings me! God is going ahead of me and is preparing my future job and future students for me! I make feel like I am failing at life right now, but God is setting me up for success. One wise person once said, "Every setback is a setup for a comeback. God wants to bring you out better than you were before." It's hard for me to believe that because I don't know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future and that faith is being able to believe without seeing/knowing. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" It's okay that we struggle. Struggles make us stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When we are down, we have the choice to turn away from God or turn to God. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish I was faithful and turning to God all the time, good and bad. But no matter what, I know that God is with me and is planning my future so wonderfully and in His time. Another strength that has turned into an extreme opposite on me is my determination.

In every goal I have set in my life, I have always been determined to see them through. In high school, I was determined to work hard, do my best, and graduate in the top 5. When looking at colleges, I was determined to go to Samford and applied for every scholarship I could so that I could be there. In college, I was determined to finish every project I was assigned as perfectly as possible (thanks to my OCD). I was determined to graduate from college with at least a 3.5 GPA and honors. I'm not saying obtaining each goal was easy. Each goal required a lot of hard work and dedication to each cause, but each one also required having faith in myself and being able to turn problems over to God that I couldn't handle. Of course there were bumps and setbacks for each one, but determination is what kept me getting back up and going. Now I feel like I have been determined for the wrong thing for me. Have I really listened to God's Will for my life or did I choose it myself? My pastor's wife sent me a verse and it has recharged me to remind me that my determination will pay off in the end. "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You." -Isaiah 26:3.

Right now things aren't really going my way, and they may not seem to be going your way as well, but remember that God is in control of every detail in our lives. He rewards those who are determined to follow His Will and is preparing the path for your life before you.

You are ______.

Quick! Fill in the blank. What do you feel/think you are? Before I began my daily devotional readings in "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Gerth, I would have answered it with imperfect, unimportant, along with other words to that would define me as "not good enough." God thinks different of us though.

• You're amazing.
• You're enough.
• You're beautiful.
• You're wanted
• You're chosen.
• You're called.
• You've got what it takes, not just to survive but to change the world.

When I read those words, I'll admit it. I blushed. I shook my head in disbelief. I thought to myself, "This person doesn't even know me." But God does. And that is exactly how God sees me. When He looks at me, He says "She is loved, accepted, and valued. She is created just the way I wanted her to be." We don't have to work harder to try and be better. God loves us as He made us. He made us uniquely and specifically how He intended us to be.

God took His perfect Son and made Him broken so that we can be whole. I have had my fair share of feeling broken, but reading these words really hit me. When I stumble or am feeling down, I always assume that it is because I have done something wrong and it's God's way of punishing me. Well, that isn't always the case. Many times we experience brokenness because we are human and God allows us to experience certain situations to learn and grow from to provide healing and encouragement to others.

Now, let's start over. Fill in the blank. What do you feel/think you are? For me, I am a child God and daughter of the King who has been fearfully and wonderfully made.

Much of this post was referenced and used from "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Gerth.

Be Still

Life is so chaotic. Busy is what we label it. As a woman, I know that we think that we have to do this and we have to do that to stay on top of it as it appears every other woman is. We get so caught up doing and going that we don't hear God whisper to us, "Be still." Trust me, I am not pointing fingers at anyone. Actually, I am pointing all fingers to me. As you can tell, I haven't blogged in well over 5 months. I recently graduated Cum Laude from Samford University receiving my B.S. in Early Childhood/Elementary/Special Education, so being busy and on the go during the semester of student teaching really consumed my life. I'm not proud of it. I wish I had devoted more time in building my relationship with God. Lately, I have been so frustrated and stressed out about not finding a teaching when lots of my friends are (and I am super excited for them!!). It has been 24 days since I have graduated, and I have been e-mailing and getting in touch with school systems and principals since then but haven't gotten a call about a job yet. I am used to always being busy and having something to do that it floors me being at home twiddling my thumbs as I wait by my phone or constantly check my e-mail for anything. Yet, God whispers to me, "Be still." I think it is time I listen. After all, He knows what is best for me anyways. Let me tell you how much of a dork I am. I have been single for over 6 years. When I was getting ready to move to college, I prayed God would send me a good guy to fall in love with at college. God really has a sense of humor. The ratio of girls to guys at Samford is 3 to 1. Yes, for everyone 1 guy, there are 3 girls. But, God did answer my prayer. In March (or maybe it was February -I am really bad at remembering some things-), I received a message on a dating website I signed up on (and frankly forgot that I had because I probably signed up one day when I was bored) and didn't respond for a few weeks later. We ended up texting a few times, but I assumed it had fizzled out, lost interest. One day I was bored and randomly selected people to text. He was one of them. By the beginning of May, we were exclusively dating but not officially a couple. The humor in this story is God did send me a Christian, loving man the week after I turned in my final homework assignment ever and 8 days before I graduated from college. God knew I needed to keep my focus on my school work, and after I finished it all He answered my prayers. Now I know this seems like I'm veering off course and chasing a rabbit (and maybe I am and just wanted to brag a little bit on this fantastic guy God has sent my way), but it is an example of trusting God in everything and He will answer prayers when He knows we are ready, not when we think we are ready. Maybe you are like me. You are praying for something to happen and are becoming frustrated that it isn't instantly answered. Be Still. Maybe you are like how I felt in college during my student teaching: constantly on the go and being busy but still feel like something is missing but you don't have time to stop. Be Still. Trust me on this one. It's okay to slow down, even stop. God desires you and wants time with you. It has taken me a long time to realize this, but I have been reading "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Gerth and it has opened my eyes to see that I don't have to do more, be more, or think things need to happen instantly to meet God's approval. He created us in His image (Genesis 1:27). Although I have already read through three chapters of the book, I am going to back track so we can go on this journey together to see how amazing God already thinks we are. Be still.

Seek God

Happy (belated) New Year! It is that time of the year to make resolutions to improve things in our lives. I never make any resolutions because I know my personality and how it can be hard to maintain them throughout the year because I give up easily when I don't see a goal within sight or don't have the motivation to carve out time to do things. So, I actually sat down and wrote my resolutions for this year: reading my Bible daily to grow closer to God through His Word, journal daily, blog regularly, and becoming healthier through eating better and exercising. Yes, day 3 and I have already failed at some of them and have pushed them on the back-burner. I had heard on the news that 45% of people make resolutions, but only 25% of people actually follow through with them for the year. Reason: people set goals that are not achievable and too many goals are made. Pretty much me in a nutshell, huh? So last night, I reflected on my resolutions and have decided that my main focus is on growing closer to God through His Word as I read the Bible daily in my devotional book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I was thinking, "This would be good for me because surely I can squeeze in a short devotional everyday, even if I don't have time to go in depth with it and study in God's Word." I figured if I focused on God's Word, then any other mini-resolutions I have would fall into place and work themselves out. But, God showed He has a better plan for my resolution than I had set for myself. Last night, I sat down around 11:40 at night to quickly read through my devotional. God has a great sense of humor. I had just finished writing my plans and list of things I needed to do for the following day. The second sentence of the devotional said, "As you spend time with Me, your thoughts tend to jump ahead to today's plans and problems. Bring your mind back to Me for refreshment and renewal." Ironic? I think not. God knew my heart and mind was not 100% devoted to what I was reading, so He started it out telling me to pay attention. Funny thing is, He didn't stop there. He said, "This sacrifice of time pleases Me and strengthens you. Do not skimp on our time together. Resist the clamor of tasks waiting to be done." Talk about putting a foot in my mouth! I feel like Martha in the Bible where Jesus was visiting Martha and Mary. Mary was sitting at Jesus's feet listening to His every word. Martha was busy in the kitchen preparing a meal and cleaning the house and was busy doing things than putting Jesus first. Don't we all have a little bit of Martha in us? I will be the first one to say that I procrastinate when it comes to reading my Bible. "I have homework to do." "I need to clean my room." "My friends want to go see a movie now." Etc. It's no wonder I always feel tired and stressed out.  Psalm 105:4 says, "Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always." If only we lived our lives like this verse every single day. Why take a nap when we are tired? Why go for a jog when we need energy? Why rest when our nerves are shot? Seek God. He gives strength great than anything we can find on earth and in our human flesh. Nothing man-made can do what God can. I pray that I stick to my resolution as Mary stuck to Jesus. I don't want to just squeeze in a few minutes with Him because it is my resolution. I want to seek God everyday because He longs to spend time with me.