1. The relationship should be based not only on love, but Christ's love.
Ephesians 5:2 says, "And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." First off, if you are in a relationship where love is not evident, the relationship is going no where and is no good for you, man or woman. Even when you are just dating and getting to know each other, if you can't love them as a friend and vice versus then leave. I will gladly admit I haven't been in many relationships (only 2 serious ones). I guess that means I could be picky with who I choose, but I see it as a blessing. My mom always told me, "Don't date a guy you couldn't see yourself marrying." Isn't that the purpose of dating after all? I know dating is fun, but seriously. Don't forgo your morals and beliefs for any guy. The man God has for you will meet God's standards. And the basis for the relationship should be founded and deeply rooted in Christ. If he is not a Christian, then you cannot have a love that reflect's Christ's love because he hasn't experienced it yet. I'm not saying to shut him out of your life because God places us in people's lives to be the seed-planters, but don't try to pursue a relationship where both of you do not pursue Christ. Ephesians 5:7 clearly tells us, "Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as child of light." Think of it as a triangle. You and him are at the bottom 2 corners. The more your each pursue Christ, the closer you grow together. The goal is to get so lost in God that you don't put the focus on finding a relationship and allowing God to do what He has already planned for you.
2. He will protect your purity, not pursue it.
I believe this is the easiest to say we want, but so hard to put into action because women want to feel loved and wanted and desired. Many have been taken advantage of, so when a man becomes interested in us we are okay to bend a few morals and values as long as we experience the sense of being wanted. I know this firsthand. I haven't been in many serious relationships, so sometimes I would bend on goals and beliefs I had made as standards for relationships all because I wanted to feel wanted. I have read through so many blogs and listened to a local radio station in the morning driving to work where the hosts have talked about how society has shifted and placed the responsibility on girls to protect their purity. Women are put down and are pressured into giving in when they try so hard to stay pure. But not so fast, God's plan is much different. God created woman to be respected and protected by man. In Ephesians 5, He has charged men to present woman as pure and spotless as a bride and specifically holds them responsible for women being sexually whole when they marry. So men, look for the woman who dresses modestly. This means she will keep her body to you when you get married. Look for the woman who is staying pure for marriage or has asked for forgiveness of impure sins and is pursuing new-born purity until marriage. This means you can trust that she will not give in to other men. So ladies, dress modestly. The more revealing you are with your attire, the more a man is going to want to pursue your purity. Save yourself for marriage. If you have given away your purity, God is a gracious and loving Father who forgives. Make a vow to save yourself now until marriage. Men, take this charge. Protect her! Think of guys who have already taken advantage of her, hurt her, and let her go. Be different. Take that stand to protect her purity. And women, this isn't just a job for the men. Do you part! Lay your standards out at the beginning of a relationship. If he doesn't agree, tell him to hit the road. Present yourself in a matter that let's men know that they need to protect the precious daughter of Christ that you are intended to be. You are delicate. Let them know that. Be a Proverbs 31 woman!
3. He will be "old-school" and traditional.
This is my least biblical point, but a man of God who loves and cherishes a woman will have these characteristics automatically. When he tells you he will call, he will keep his promise. He won't constantly "forget" or put it off until later. A true gentleman will be true to his word. He will come to your door when he picks you up for a date. No matter if you still live at home, with roommates, or alone he should be man enough to take the few steps to knock on your door when picking you up. He will try to impress you. This could be dressing nicely for dates or bringing you flowers. I'm not saying every date needs to be dressy, but if you are going out then he should want to look his best for you. He will be a true gentleman. If he lets you lay one finger on a door, he is failing as a man. He will open doors, pull out chairs, and put you first. This also counts as respecting your parents as well. As technology has become so popular and is taking over every aspect of our lives, he will pull any and all devices away when he is with you, especially at the dinner table. He will want to have a personal conversation and show true interest in you, not with his social life via phone, etc. He will realize that men and women are very different and won't treat you like "just another guy." He will treat you like the delicate flower you are.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8,13
A big thanks to blogs I have been reading in which I learned so much from and used what I learned in this blog post: James Michael Sama, The Christian Pundit, Thought Catalog, and Pure Freedom.
